Down, But Not Out

I was never much of a runner.

I ran for a few years in college, but not with any athletic purpose -- I ran because a girl on my dorm floor freshman year invited me to go for a run with her, and I really wanted to make new friends. We wound up running through senior year.

I ran for a couple of months in the summer of 2000, back during a rough spot in my relationship with Jess and I did that thing where you try to better yourself so you can convince the other person that you're awesomer than they previously thought. (We may still be together, but I don't think this in particular necessarily helped anything. I did learn "Blackbird" on guitar though and that seemed to have a positive effect.)

Every once in a while in college, I'd have some foot pain, but nothing too significant. It went away within a week.

Back in November, when the triathlon was a distant (but present) thought in my head, I decided to pick up running again. After a week of treadmill running, I took to Central Park. I ran hard and fast, because I knew I had the cardio fitness to back it up (and in my mind, I was invincible!). I didn't have the feet to back it up, though, and around mile 4, I wound up with significant pain in my right foot. I limped all the way home and couldn't walk for a couple of days.

I saw a foot surgeon who took x-rays and MRIs and couldn't exactly find what was wrong. I went to a couple of physical therapists who gave me foot exercises to help strengthen them. (By this point, the pain had oddly spread to the other foot as well, which confounded everyone.)

My feet got a little better throughout November and December, and then in late January, I re-aggravated my right foot while rollerblading with some kids on a weekend trip. Once again, the pain was significant and it wound up spreading to the other foot. More MRIs and this time some acupuncture, and very little relief. At this point, Team in Training group practices had started. I could participate in swim practices (it was too cold for biking), but not run practices. I'd show up at each one to support Jess and do the recovery stretches, but would stand on the sidelines during the actual running. For an active and (presumably) healthy guy like me, it was difficult.

I saw a podiatrist in March who, after looking at my x-rays and MRIs and finding nothing, suggested that the problem wasn't something wrong in my feet, but something about the actual mechanics of my running -- the way my feet hit the ground -- that was the problem. He suggested some (expensive) custom-made orthotics, which I declined (I had only just started working full-time again), and decided to go for a high-end, over-the-counter pair, along with better sneakers (suggested by a running coach who filmed and analyzed my run style).

It took a few different models to find the right one for me, but when I did, I immediately felt better. My feet started to feel like they did before November. I began running with the team in April, going much slower than I was used to in an attempt to build up an injury-free base. After about six weeks, I had gotten myself to the point where every run was injury-free, and the coaches -- knowing my situation and my overall fitness level from swimming and biking -- naturally began encouraging me to pick up the pace and work at full potential. I got my mile time down to 7:24, which wasn't bad considering my background.

In early June, I went for a run one morning -- six miles. I felt great throughout the run and then, on my recovery jog home, experienced some foot pain. It wasn't the same pain as before, but it was reminiscent: the kind of pain that you know isn't just a minor soreness that will go away by "walking it out." Like in November, I limped home and could barely walk the next day.

I saw a (different) foot surgeon who diagnosed me with peroneal tendonitis. He suggested that I wear a removable air cast to stabilize the foot, so the tendon could heal. He suggested I finally get some orthotics that were a custom-fit for my feet. And though he knew there was no way he'd be able to stop be from doing the triathlon, he warned me against the impact running has on the feet.

Needless to say, this has been difficult on me. It was difficult on me back in November through March, but it's more difficult on me now. For starters, we're much further along in our training -- back in February and March, our runs were short and light. Now we're gearing up for triathlon-level running, and while I know I'm physically (and mentally) able to do it, I haven't been able to practice. Also, it's a touch heartbreaking to be injured, get better -- and to really revel in that improvement, to appreciate it every day because you know what it's like to be the other way -- and then go back to being injured again. And it's tough to watch all my teammates go through full practices when I can't. I still show up because there are parts I can do, like the biking and the swimming -- but I'm once again on the sidelines when it comes to the running.. We were all fairly anonymous in the beginning of the season, but now we're all friends. It's harder now.

So I've made adjustments. When everyone else is running, I get on my bike and do something else. I do core strength workouts. I swim. And I talk to myself. I remind myself that this is a setback, but it's not the end. I refuse to let it be the end. I am 100% positive there are ways to change what I'm doing so that I don't have these injuries. I'm exploring them. An orthotic is one way. I'll shortly be exploring a new type of running philosophy and training that has helped many people who previously had issues, and are now running injury-free. I just remind myself: I'm down, but I'm not out. Because I believe the true test of a triathlete -- of a human, really -- is the strength to take adverse situations, look 'em in the eye, acknowledge them, and find a way to overcome them.

That's why I'm writing this post today. I kept quiet about the injuries before because I viewed them as a sign of weakness. But I don't think it is, anymore. I think it's going to eventually be a sign of strength and power.

So what now? Well, I'm out of the air cast. The tendon is healing -- I've walked without the air cast for over a week without any foot pain. I've been doing physical therapy and stretches on my own almost every night since February. I'm reading a book on the running philosophy I mentioned. I just received my new orthotics and we'll see if they improve the running situation for me.

I've held back from running because I don't want to re-aggravate my injury so close to the triathlon. I'll be doing short, light runs between now and then -- no more than three or four miles at most -- and I'm confident that I'll be able to do the triathlon just fine. Maybe not at my 7:24 pace, but I'm not about competing at this point. I'm just about completing it. Always have been. Competing comes later, maybe. Or maybe it doesn't. We'll see.

Thanks for reading.