How to talk about cancer

Words can just be inadequate. And as we stumble and trip toward trying to say the right and true thing, we often reach for the nearest rotted-out cliché for support. Better to say nothing, and offer the gift of your presence, than to utter bankrupt bromides.

This is from Dana Jennings' latest post on the New York Times' Well Blog, "With Cancer, Let’s Face It: Words Are Inadequate." Reading the post -- and the comments below it -- has made me re-think the way I've talked about cancer, and the way I've written about it in my e-mails to all of you about our fundraising efforts. I've used the cliches. Repeatedly. "The fight against cancer." Telling people to "stay positive." Many others. These are all things that I've always said with nothing but the best of intentions, without a thought of how they might have affected the recipient. I guess I never thought about some of it before -- like the thought that if you encourage someone to stay positive and fight the battle, will they feel like they've failed somehow if they die from it?

Tough call. I've been lucky enough to not have cancer in my life. If I did, I don't know how I'd react to these kinds of comments. I feel like I'd give someone the benefit of the doubt, knowing that they didn't mean any harm by it. And certainly for every person who comments that they're upset by the way their friends and family talk to them, there's someone else who is merely appreciative that someone is expressing any positivity to them at all. Still, the article's a good one; it puts me, temporarily, in the shoes of someone who has a life-threatening disease, and I'm always grateful for that point of view.